Hello? Is it Tony you’re looking for? Here’s me and Lionel Richie this morning. I couldn’t just take a picture like a normal person, I had to try and be funny and whisper “Say you, say me…” meanwhile, I end up looking like I’m in the middle of a seizure. Too bad there’s not […]

  Most people look back at something lthey’ve written five years ago and think about how they’ve grown and matured, but I look back at this and think: I haven’t learned one damn thing! I’m still the same stupid ass I always was, if not worse because I’m now older and more set in my […]

  As I was sweating my balls off in this ungodly heat today on Metro North, I started dreaming of winter and how refreshing the cold weather can be and it made me think about a former colleague, Guillermo, and his winter wardrobe.     If you’ve never seen a hustlin’ seventies pimp in real […]

  Contrary to popular belief, I’m not a Spiritual Guru like Shri Shri Ravi Shankar or anything. I’m not looking to start an Imodium movement, but I just really believe that if you listen closely the universe will send you a message every now and then to make a dream come true. You just have […]

    With St. Patrick’s Day last week, I was thinking about sharing some stories about my lucky shamrocks, but as I was writing, I couldn’t help but think of my brother. Forget about Luck of the Irish, if it weren’t for bad luck, my brother Joey wouldn’t have any at all. Here’s a perfect […]

  I’ve told you about how great it is to be a regular and how nice it is to have people remembering you, but sometimes that’s not the case at all.         There was a little bodega run by a Chinese family across from work that I used to hit up every morning […]

  My friend Michelle is really smart and we have a lot in common; we both worked for the same company, we both love the soundtrack to Begin Again, and we both think I’m one of the funniest people ever! I told you she was smart!!!   While that’s normally enough for to people to […]

  No, this post isn’t about pooping! Come on people, not every post is about that – give me some credit will you! I’m the number one Immodium Abuser, but it seems like you’re the one focusing on Number Two. When I say being regular, I mean keeping the same routine and eating the same […]

    They laughed at first because they didn’t understand or take him seriously, but Yoda proved to be a small force mightier than some of the toughest warriors. Such seems to be the case with Bernie Sanders, now doesn’t it? His powers have stormed the galaxy like a certain little green Jedi Master did a long time ago in a galaxy […]

Originally posted on www.immodiumabuser.com:
? Sometimes once you do something a few times it kind of loses its luster and tends not to be fun anymore – let me tell you about a little game that never happens with: Hey Hooka – how much? This isn’t Cranium people – you don’t just play…

    Continuing with my December kickoff tribute to my sister’s Birthday, I wanted to wish her a year ahead full of many wishes coming true including never again evacuating her bowels on a cat! Yes, Happy Birthday Carlotta, my sister is the one that shit on a cat! Read the original The pretty kitty […]

If there’s one quote I’ll like to be known for – it’s that “I write so that I don’t strangle anyone.” I was fortunate enough to realize early on in my career that it’s always a better idea to use your keyboard instead of your belt with bosses and coworkers. Many a blog post or […]