Desmond in a Tutu protesting Self Magazine
Desmond in a Tutu protesting Self Magazine

I’m shocked at the whole tutu madness from the past few days but most of all because I’m embarrassed to tell you that I didn’t even realize the honorable Desmond Tutu wrote for Self magazine…I guess his workload got a lot easier after they banned apartheid and all… What’s next? Sri Sri Ravi Shankar lashing out against peep-toe shoes?

Apparently, The Art of Living is just a cool breeze up the back of your caftan...
Apparently, The Art of Living is just a cool breeze up the back of your caftan…

Speaking of titles – how come I’m not referred to as the Honorable Immodium Abuser? Like I had nothing to do with ending Apartheid? OK, in fairness I literally had nothing to do with ending it, but I certainly wasn’t helping to spread it so that’s gotta be worth something…maybe I should be referred to as The Eminent Immodium Abuser? I‘m not a whore for a title, but just a little something to spice up my business cards.

The Eminent Immodium Abuser!
The Eminent Immodium Abuser!

In all seriousness, here is a snapshot of what’s going on: Self magazine made and ass of itSelf when they published a photo of a woman running a marathon in a Wonder Woman costume and tutu WHILE SHE WAS BATTLING CANCER! Running a marathon is grueling and enormously hard, but while fighting cancer? And she started the company that makes the tutus to donate money to cancer foundations…Forget the bad PR move they made – it’s just kinda reminds you of the crappy people out there in the world. She’s got a real great spirit and is taking it like a champ and I hope that this media attention gets a lot of support for her company and her charitable acts because they’re significant and inspiring.

monica tutu

I don’t want to diminish how serious this is or try to divert any of the attention off of her, but let’s talk about who really looks good in a tutu! The bright spot in this media shitstorm has been the widespread publication of this little nugget:

Daniel Day Purvis

Abusers, meet Daniel Day Purvis! I know exactly what you’re thinking as you look at this photo: a) Does this guy even lift? b) This guy is straight? For the record, yes and he’s married with kids not that there’s anything wrong with that if he wasn’t…c) I know, I know – but how did he get that perfectly ruffled tutu dyed exactly the same shade as his tye-dye shirt? Only he and Karl Lagerfeld can say for sure…

do you even lift

This is not a picture that was just taken to get on board with the recent controversy – this is an aerodynamic running machine showing us the true way to rock out and run a race from a while ago. It takes balls of steel to actually put something like this on, nonetheless run a race and be photographed in it while wearing spanx under a tutu. Understandably, his wife is nowhere next to him in any of these photos and set a personal track record as she ran like lightning to get away from him. True story, just as many people were cheering “Run Tiffany, Run Away” to her as were cheering “Run Daniel Run” to him.


Now the local media will have Self Magazine this story highlighted as they should, but I wanna start a petition to get this man on The Ellen Show. Don’t worry, he’ll definitely wear the tutu and dance with her – he’s got more rhythm than a young Marlon Jackson crossed with an older Ike Turner! Let’s start a movement with the Eminent Immodium Abuser carrying the torch and leading the charge to get this man the attention he deserves. “Start your yellin’ and get him on Ellen” will be our battle cry!

Actual first date photo of Daniel Day and Tiffany
Actual first date photo of Daniel Day and Tiffany

Share this photo and like this page and then head over to the fitness page he’s managing and like the crap out of it! There’s a lot of useful stuff on there if you’re into learning and all that jazz, but more importantly, there are a LOT of meme’s on there. Him and I once had a rapid fire meme contest and he was shooting them off like a semi-automatic artillery rifle. My little Imodium ads were no match for him – he just had tutu many…

Purvis two