Just thought I’d revisit what people are searching for when they find me and low and behold it hasn’t changed all that much. The most common search term is still rugby bulges.  Also many different forms of my wifes’s mom dot com and Imodium shortage and a couple of notable highlights were ebony-goddess testicle whip & diana vagina. […]

Sort of how Moses was chosen to come down from Mount Sinai with the commandments, my higher calling in life is to deliver unto you crappy stories – literally. I am here to deliver all the poop that’s fit to print! These things don’t happen to most people – except for lucky me. I’m not […]

Anyone who knows me can tell you that I am under absolute duress to be ready for anything in any reasonable amount of time. Even more than that, I can’t even get ready in an unreasonable amount of time. Celebrities don’t take this long to prep for the Oscars – but for me to run […]

Whenever people tell me “You know what made me think of you the other day…” I always interrupt them because I know where it’s going. I say “I bet you were in the bathroom or it has to do with poop, right?” and you know what, it almost always (like 99.99% of the time) is […]

My friend Weeva is recuperating from surgery, so I thought that I’d tell you a little about her so you can send lots of Imodium love her way. As a note to my other friends: Don’t go and get hospitalized so I’ll write about you too! This is a one-time only,  isolated occurrence! Weeva and […]

You think your day sucks? I went to CVS and low & behold I got hit with a ton of bricks: They better raise the terror alert to orange because this is some scary stuff right here. People are gonna freak out and start panicking and it could get messy… OK, I’m probably the only one panicking, but […]

I came to a realization at work today: My black messenger bag has turned into a full throttle purse. I’m sure that it’s the real intention Kenneth Cole had when he designed the bag, but no one else will admit it. Why do they even call it a messenger bag anyway? Have you ever seen […]

  So I was at work being the little Yenta that I am and  just minding my business, when all of a sudden one of my coworkers walked in. I immediately hung up with the client that I was talking to so I could check and make sure she was OK because with just one look at her shoes I could […]

Unlike The Incredible Hulk who changed immediately, one of my greatest fears is that fate will sneak up on me and I’ll undergo a slow and painstaking transition into a heightened version of my father. Some people might think this is a compliment, but I’m not sure the world is ready for another one like […]

I bet that if you were to ask my wife, she would say it was her – but let’s be honest here: My soulmate and the great love of my adult life has been Imodium AD. I love my wife to death, but this is a no-brainer and pretty obvious. Imodium  AD has touched me in an obscene, all-consuming […]

In case you haven’t guessed it yet from these ramblings, I wasn’t always a very responsible person. I never really minded it though, because no one relied on me and no one ever asked me to do anything because they knew that I would find some way to screw it up. It was actually really liberating because there was never any expectations […]

Did you know that you can’t sell a used colostomy bag on Ebay? Apparently there’s a sanitary code or something…I say, just give it a hot rinse it’s not like you’re not adding more shit to it…Literally, you’ll be adding more shit to it…There goes that revenue stream…