Got my number - check. Got my Shirt - check. Got my Imodium AD 72 pack - CHECK CHECK CHECK!!!

Got my number – check.
Got my Shirt – check.
Got my Imodium AD 72 pack – CHECK!

I’m sure that every one of you will be on the edge of your seats all weekend absolutely consumed by thoughts of my five borough trek, so here’s something to make it a little more bearable for you: The link to the runner tracking page.

http://www.ingnycmarathon.org/spectators/trackmyrunners.htm

marathon
No pressure – feel free to not even give me a second thought as I pound the pavement, mile by mile by mile by mile, never giving up, always enduring, profusely sweating like a Jello pudding pop left out in the sunlight for too long at a family barbecue…putting my body through the rigors of 26.2 miles…26.2 freakin miles!!! No big deal at all – enjoy your weekend. What were you doing this weekend anyway? Oh, just raking some leaves? Cleaning out some closets? Oh, that sounds nice too…
logo nyc marathon
Just kidding, some people had asked about tracking me and I’m not sure that NY Road Runners has developed the technology yet that will be able to track someone like me that’s fast like lightning, but here is the option anyway:
nyrr
There is a text to phone option but the one listed below that option is online and FREE. My bib number is 69382…
Any idiot can run
Wish me luck and if I end up face down on the pavement with a bloody nose again or if they open the streets back up before I even get to mile ten – no judgements…
Look out for this guy on the course!!

This is the back of my Marathon shirt!

This is the front of my Marathon shirt.

This is the front of my Marathon shirt.

Runners – as you’re making your way through the course you’ll be overwhelmed trying to remember all the hydration and fueling tips and advice you’ve learned and gotten over the last few months, but there is one important thing you need to have front of mind as you approach that finish line in Central Park. There is always someone faster than you and you’re not going to come in first place, so there is absolutely no excuse for a bad finish photo. The winning male and female are the only acceptable runners that can look like shit on marathon day. As you finish the 25th mile, you have mere minutes to paint the absolute biggest smile you can on your face and make it big. It will hurt, but you want to know what hurts more? getting bad picture from your big day. Those fugly shots can be brutal! No one wants to see the girl who just gave birth’s picture on their Facebook feed – you may not have had a baby – but that’s what it looks like. I am a helper and here to offer my sage wisdom for free so as you finish up the last leg of the race, scout around for the ugly people, the sweaty ones, the fat ones and the hairy ones and sidle up close to them until you pass the finish. This may sound mean or shallow, and it is,  but I guarantee that you’ll thank me for this when you check your email a few days later and see how good you look next to a real hot mess slumped over trying to catch their breath. no matter how sweaty, how hot or how ready to throw up you are – there is always someone worse off than you. Full disclosure, I’m usually that person that’s worse off, but I digress…

Good luck out there tomorrow and although it goes without saying, I’ll be packing extra Imodium AD if anyone needs!

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Join the conversation! 27 Comments

  1. how did you do?? congratulations!

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  2. Hope you had fun and got a good finish picture. Mine have never looked that great…

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  3. Best wishes! I’m sure your finish line photo will be epic 🙂

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  4. Good luck and best wishes!

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  5. Good luck! You are way ahead of me and well, pretty much everyone I know in the running department. Have a great time – which you likely won’t feel until some time after the whole deal. Looking forward to hearing how well it all went for you.

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  6. You’re gonna do great! I think you are going to win 🙂

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  7. I see your cartoon beat me to my well wishes for you. 😉 Good luck. Look forward to reading your post-marathon synopsis.

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  8. Good Luck! I think the goal is to do better than you have in the past, rather than win, for most people. But I like the idea of a best-finish-line picture.

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  9. Good luck,,I’ll peruse CNN from my couch to see if I can spot ya!

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About www.immodiumabuser.com

Funny ass blogging mofo. I write a crazy blog called Immodiumabuser.com with all my embarrassing moments put on display. Connect on Facebook (im Immodium Abuser) or like my page at Facebook.com/immodiumabuser

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