CelebriTuesdays: Robert Kirkman – Don’t be a Jerk-Man! The Walking Dead has gone to his head!


You know all of those gracious stars I talk about meeting and taking terrible selfies with each week? This isn’t about one of them. I didn’t realize how lucky I’ve been to have gotten so many encounters with so many people until Elisabeth Shue’d me away and now Robert Kirkman turned into a real Jerk, Man.


close lunchbox


If you’re like me, you’re googling to find out who that is because Robert Kirkman isn’t a household name like the Immodium Abuser. He created The Walking Dead based on the comic book series he wrote and, full disclosure, I didn’t know who he was when I saw him. I don’t watch The Walking Dead because honestly, if I wanted to hear about the end of the world and zombie apocalypse I’d tune into CNN when they discuss The White House. When I saw him get out of his car, I thought he might be “somebody” heading into Sirius for an interview, but I didn’t know who it was right away. My interest became piqued when he started covering his face with his arms saying “NO, NO” as if he were Taylor Swift getting mobbed by fans. That’s the best part of it – he’s unrecognizable to the average person on the street and there was NO crowd waiting for him or mobbing him to take pictures. He strolled by our stalking spot while we were waiting for someone else with his hands up which tends to get you noticed.



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I can see if this was the crowd waiting for you, but come on…




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The only thing missing is the crowd to hide from…



Let’s cover two things here: A) Nobody was even that jazzed up to see him or rushing to snap a pic – not even that crazy lady in the Pokemon shirt and she’s always jazzed up. I only started taking pictures when he started blocking them because I thought he was being crazy for no reason. B) If you’re gonna make such a fuss about people seeing you on the street, then you should enter through the garage or walk up casually and NOT covering your face like Blanket Jackson. Most importantly though, for God’s sake – don’t carry a lunchbox. Just a thought here, but you know who carries a lunchbox, Dude? Children, mentally impaired adults or eccentric weirdos do that. If you’re a high functioning adult still carrying a lunchbox, at least have some self-respect and get a cool Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle or Star Wars themed one. Truth Bomb here, you’re worth twenty million bucks – let’s hire someone to carry that lunchbox around for you immediately!



Apparently, if you ask my brother or his wife – The Walking Dead is amazing and he’s a big deal. Granted, this is from the same people who didn’t like Manchester by the Sea – so their opinion of good quality entertainment is somewhat skewed. That movie tore me up and haunted me for weeks after seeing it, but I was afraid they might have been dead inside after they told me they hated the movie and didn’t feel anything after watching it. Come to think of it, it actually makes sense now: they literally might actually be dead inside and part of the zombie apocalypse. I’ll have to make sure and be careful at Christmas or next thing I know, my sister-in-law will be tearing up our gathering with a barbed wire baseball bat like Negan does on the show if I get mouthy again.


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I full realize that no celebrity owes me anything and I don’t expect any of these people to want to waste their time with me and my terrible selfies, but you can be nice and at least smile when you’re going by people! I get it that you were in town for ComiCon and were maybe getting mobbed by Walking Dead Heads, but let me just lay this out here now: when I’m worth twenty million bucks like this schlub – they’re gonna have to chisel the shit-eating grin off my face because I won’t be able to NOT smile.


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CelebriTuesdays: 1, 2, 3 – another Faith saw me!!! Faith Evans completed my Trifecta!!!


As most people do, I have an Ice Trifecta (Ice T, Ice Cube, & Vanilla Ice) and an all-important Faith Trifecta (Faith Evans, Faith Hill, & Faith Prince) of people that I’ve been dying to meet. I’ve been stuck in a holding pattern with both (having met two of the three in each bracket) and I never thought I’d complete my Faith Trifecta, but I finally did it: I met Faith Evans!!!  Two of the three Ice’s have been very cool, but all three Faith’s were so amazing and awesome that Mr. Ice better bring his A game when he meets me! Have a little faith, I’ll revisit the others later on…



I caught up with Faith Evans and she was seriously, so awesome! I was just walking by, minding my little own business like I do, when she walked up…Or, one might say I was stalking the building she was coming out of like a lunatic. The guy in front of me walked up and asked if he could snap a picture and she said of course. He was “of a certain age when technology probably isn’t his best friend” although I’m no techie either that should be throwing stones. Faith waited patiently posing with him, for what seemed like forever, as he fiddled with the camera telling her to say cheese repeatedly. Unbeknownst to him, while he was posing up a storm working on his big boy smile for her, he had his phone on video the whole time, and he kept pushing the red button to snap a picture while he was recording video not realizing he wasn’t taking a picture. He hit that button so many times, I’m not even sure he was recording either. I can only imagine what all of those one-second videos look like…


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Faith nicely tried to tell him twice that he was recording – not taking a picture. He either wasn’t listening because he was so caught up in the moment with her or he just didn’t get it, so by the third time, she took the camera out of his hand. She switched from video to photo and then looked at him and said “We’re gonna need to get someone else to take this, you can’t do it.” It was hysterical and priceless and we were all hysterical laughing. She handed off his camera so he was finally able to get a snap with her. Win, win for everyone. It was so awesome and she was just so funny; such a sweetie about it whereas any other number of celebs would never have been that patient with anyone.



She chatted and took a few pictures with me and I, of course, gave her an immodiumabuser business card which she thought was hysterical. She was like “your name isn’t on it, what’s your name?” so of course I filled her in and gave her all the deetz. She was spending her time taking an interest in me which was just so awesome. Who does that? She was cool and kind and just hung out there in the moment with us like a boss. It’s as if she could tell how much this tiny little moment of her time would mean to us and how huge is that? She was funny and in charge and had an awesome hat that I desperately wanted to try on because a bald man always looks better in a hat – any hat!



Seriously, I have met a lot of celebrities and not many have been as cool as that. Actually, I’ll go into it another time but of everyone I’ve met – the Faith’s have it. Ms. Evans could have just gotten in her car and walked by as I’m sure she had more interesting things to do than discover my Imodium Abusing secret


, but she was working the crowd and making people’s day left and right. Very cool!




Unlike CNN, I didn’t confuse Faith Evans with Faith Hill: I’ll just leave this awkward bit of ridiculousness right here. CNN tweeted that Faith Hill would be releasing an album of duets with The Notorious BIG 20 years after his murder and both ladies took the nonsense and turned it into something nonsensational!!!  So cool, although I think they need to seriously work a remix with both Faith’s & Biggie!


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Faith Evans reaction


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Faith Hill reaction



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This would be an awesome duet!





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Seriously, how cool would I look in this hat? Maybe a fedora is the next stop for me…