Get Out: I, Tonya is more like I, Oscar as the nominations announcement takes Shape!

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Forget about the Government shutdown or any of those nimrods running this country like a second-rate car wash and prioritize what’s important: Tuesday morning’s Oscar nominations announcement! This year’s race has been all over the place and exciting because there’s not one movie running away with everything – the critic’s prizes have been all over the place so Best Picture isn’t necessarily sewn up just yet.

 

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Forget Christmas or New Year’s – Oscar Season is the most wonderful time of the year! If you don’t agree then you can just Get Out? If you had told me a year ago that this little horror movie would be an Oscar nominee – I’d have told you to get out, but in just a few hours it most certainly will be! I don’t know if I’ll get a Best Picture nomination, but it’s a really great film that’s sure to be recognized tomorrow.

 

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I’m not one to launch into a checklist of all the categories with who I think will be nominated because that’s boring and that’s typical and I am neither of those things. We’ll jump around, but let’s talk Best Director. Do I think Lady Bird will get a Best Picture nomination – definitely. Do I think Greta Gerwig will get a Best Director nomination for it? I’m really hoping that I’m wrong, but unfortunately, I’m leaning towards no. Not because she doesn’t deserve it or she shouldn’t be nominated; I want to be wrong on this but I’m leaning towards no based on Oscar history. At this point, I don’t know that there’s anything to stop Guillermo del Toro from winning for The Shape of Water, but the Director’s Branch doesn’t go with the popular vote for their nominations and that’s especially true recently.

 

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It may seem odd to overlook the front runner to one of the most talked about films this year, but there are only five spots and this is an old boys club that might just stick with the veterans like Spielberg and Ridley Scott over newer directors like Greta Gerwig or Jordan Peele. Also, there have only been four women nominated for Best Director and only one female winner. In 90 Years – how is that even possible? That fact in itself is hard to ignore and pushes me towards a Gerwig snub Tuesday morning…

 

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If snubbing Greta Gerwig seems absolutely crazy, remember that this is the same Director’s branch that didn’t give Martin Scorcese a Best Director Oscar until The Departed in 2006! Take that in folks – Eminem was an Oscar winner for 8 Mile years before Martin-effin-Scorcese! Shameful as that is, Christopher Nolan has never even been nominated for Best Director – this nomination for Dunkirk will be his first! This is one branch of the Academy that doesn’t seem to go with emotions or what the public does like the acting branch. In fact, in recent years the Best Director hasn’t even lined up with the Best Picture winner which, historically, was never the case.

 

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Remember how great it was when Kathryn Bigelow stormed the stage for The Hurt Locker to win Best Director? That was an anomaly. She was snubbed for Zero Dark Thirty shortly after in the same year that be Affleck was snubbed for Argo – which actually won Best Picture! How the hell does the film winning Best Picture not get a nomination for Best Director? Affleck’s snub was the best thing that happened to Argo; it made them the underdog and they ran on a “shame on you for not nominating Ben Affleck” campaign which gained momentum and won the trophy. That could certainly happen with Lady Bird if Gerwig isn’t nominated tomorrow – it would up the chances in a race that’s not over by a long shot and march Lady Bird right up to the podium!

 

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Along with the snubs are the surprise nominations that come along every now and then; there are always a few head scratchers that seem to just come out of nowhere and I love them. Last year, Amy Adams was snubbed for Arrival which I didn’t love and then her costar Michael Shannon came out of nowhere and got nominated for Nocturnal Animals which he could do again with The Shape of Water. It’s a film that everyone has seen so he could possibly hear his name called if the film builds momentum. It’s extremely doubtful for so many reasons but just know that if he hears his name, Woody Harrelson or Armie Hammer definitely won’t.

 

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Both The Shape of Water and Three Billboards will have three acting nominations but Sam Rockwell – it’s about damn time! Three Billboards will be the first film since Bugsy in 1992 with two supporting actors nominated for the same film. Those nominations are givens, but although quite unlikely, it’s entirely possible for Jessica Chastain in Molly’s Game to sneak into Meryl Streep’s The Post spot and Daniel Day Lewis might not get the love people are expecting for Phantom Thread leaving an open spot for Daniel Kaluuya for Get Out.

 

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My big wish for the nominations is to see some love for Mudbound and The Big Sick and not just because I met Kumail Nanjiani and he’s awesome. I don’t think Mary J Blige is gonna make the cut for a Supporting Actress for Mudbound, so I’m rooting for her in the Best Original Song category! Mudbound is a great film, with a great story and a great cast that just happens to be written and directed by Dee Rees and I hope it gets the recognition it deserves. It should land a screenplay nod tomorrow, but getting a Best Picture nomination would be amazing, but it’s a very long shot.

 

 

 

If you think the race is over, consider that final Oscar voting closes on February 27th and the ceremony isn’t until March 4th – that is a lifetime away from now in Oscar campaigning and although Three Billboards has momentum right now, it’ll be hard to maintain that for the next month; I, Tonya could club the competition and surge up to a prime spot between now and then.

 

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CelebriTuesdays: Tatiana Maslany Fade to Orphan Black – this is my WORST selfie yet!

 

Tatiana Maslany was promoting the movie Stronger and I just wish my facial composure had been a little stronger. I couldn’t have been more excited about seeing her as I’m a huge fan: she’s captivating on Orphan Black, made you forget about Helen Mirren in Woman in Gold and is heartbreaking in Stronger, but you want to hear about heartbreaking? Look at how bad my selfie with her is!

 

 

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How does someone take a photo like this?

 

 

 

I finally get to meet this force of nature and my camera fought back! These pictures are awful! It’s not my usual making a bad face kind of awful – it’s a “what’s wrong with your face” and “why is your head so shiny” kind of bad. My selfies have never been great, and some were even OK – but this is by far the worst one I’ve ever taken. I was so nervous because Tatiana makes my Maslany feel all kinds of wonderful, but I just couldn’t pull it together to snap effectively.

 

 

Me and Tati 1

A little bit better, but what’s wrong with my face? 

 

 

 

 
She walked up and I said I was a huge fan and asked if she’d take a photo with me. She said sure and as I was snapping away, I could actually see how bad they looked and I freaked out…”Wait…Wait…its blurry…Wait…its blurry!” She walked on and headed to her car as I chased after to beg for a better shot together – but she was gone.

 

 

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Wait – don’t go…

 

 

 

The kicker of our run-in, was not only that she looks amazing and I look like complete and utter shit – that’s beside the point. I’ve basically come to accept that this is my face and there’s very little I can do about it, but this was ridiculous. The kicker is that in addition to looking like there’s something wrong with me; look at how big she looks next to me! Talk about kicking me when I’m down! The woman is 5’4” for Christ’s sake and she’s wearing converse! Where is that God damn leg lift coming from? I’m 5’7” but look like Webster next to her – It’s like I’m in the upside down over here…

 

 

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And just like that, she took her starry starry night jacket and left me with only a memory…

 

 

As quickly as it happened – it was over. She was Tati-outta there and my dreams were dashed as she went off to get a Mas-latte from Starbucks…

 

 

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The different faces of Tatiana Maslany on Orphan Black. If you haven’t seen her Emmy winning urn on this show yet – change that immediately!

 

 

 

I was DOA when my Imodium went MIA

My recurring travelling nightmare...

My recurring travelling nightmare…

Last week I was in Chicago for a work trip and I lost my stash of Imodium AD. My Imodium Ad stash isn’t like the pimp-stache I used to rock above my lip back in college that was nicknamed the tickler; this is one has a serious job to do. It’s not a fancy monogrammed tin or anything, just a plain old Advil travel size container that I use to transport my tiny little life-support system. While out gallivanting one night at the bar “networking” I apparently dropped it out of my pocket and went into full panic mode.

Tken during my second Junior year in college - no one told me that the pimpstache was just a little too much...

This was taken during my second Junior year in college – no one told me that the pimpstache was just a little too much…

I used to keep my Imodium AD in a round mint tin that I was very attached to, but that met an unfortunately tragic end. Long story short, I was following my brother and sister-in-law to the Long Island Expressway through some back roads that I was unfamiliar with when they got out to hug me goodbye. THEY STOPPED THE CAR AND GOT OUT TO SAY GOODBYE ON THE EXPRESSWAY! WHO DOES THAT? Why they couldn’t just waive and drive on like normal people do is anyone’s guess, but we were coming from a funeral so emotions might have been higher than usual. As I got out of the car to see why they stopped, the tin dropped to the ground and rolled right onto the Expressway. It was like it happened in slow motion and I immediately freaked out as it took all of three seconds before it was run over by a hottie in a red hoopdie who sprinkled my Imodium all over that highway like confetti!

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As you can imagine, I responded as any normal person would after seeing something so traumatic: they had to restrain me from chasing it into the street like a psychopath while I was screaming like Shirley MacLaine in Terms of Endearment when she’s in the hospital and it’s time for Debra Winger’s shot. My stomach dropped and I fell to my knees crying out in pain – I almost had a heart attack at that sight while those two just laughed their asses off. There was not one ounce of sympathy that I was on my way to the airport and might need to risk my life and make the flight commando now. Meryl Streep had an easier time making Sophie’s Choice than I did getting over seeing something I treasure destroyed like that…Needless to say I stopped and refilled and replaced the tin so everyone could rest easy…

As I’ve highlighted before, me traveling for work is normally difficult , but adding this to the mix doubled my stress load. My first stop the next morning was at 8:30 AM, so I did what I could and hit the market kiosk in the hotel lobby. Why they don’t offer items in bulk I’ll never guess, but they only sold Imodium AD in two packs. I did the only sensible thing and got ten of them figuring I could stop at CVS after my appointments were finished and fully restock. Since it was a busy Wednesday morning, there were quite a few corporate travelers like me filling the lobby as I waited in line to pay at the Front Desk.

As my turn to pay arrived, the Agent looked at the heap of Imodium AD I had placed on the counter and gasped. He looked from the pile right up at me and said “Oh my God, Are you OK?” Normally, this really wouldn’t have been a big deal if there weren’t four people on line in back of me and he hadn’t said it so loud that they all heard and immediately looked at what I was buying. I scowled back at him and said “Yes, thank you for asking” and took out my wallet to which he replied “Buddy, I’m not going to charge you for these…if you’re in pain and need that many – they’re on me!”

I guess it would have been a nice gesture if he hadn’t been talking so God damned loud that everyone and their mother could now tell that gastric disruption was going to be a big part of my day. I guess it might not have been that bad if the elevator had come a little quicker after me paying for them so that I didn’t have to ride down to the hotel entrance with two of the people from the line staring as if I might lose control of my colon at any moment. You know that look of disgust mixed with judgment mixed with a hint of the stink eye? That’s what they were coming at me with and I really can’t blame them. What could I do? It wasn’t like I could tell the front Desk Agent or those people that it was preventative… I guess we all have our cross to bear…

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What’s the lesson we learn here? Right, always have a backup case for your Imodium because there might come a day when the hotel lobby might not have Imodium and you’ll really be screwed!  I almost felt like it was a little bit of karma from the night before. I proceeded to explain to a colleague (that bears a more than striking resemblance to Julianne Moore but from The Kids Are All Right, not Boogie Nights) that if she took more than four minutes in the restroom, the assumption was that she was dropping a deuce. She tried to dispute that logic, but come on – I wasn’t being judgmental – just factual. You know those people that come back after a spell and try to pretend they met a friend and got to talking on the bathroom line – they’re liars! They didn’t see a friend in there – they dropped off a friend in there! Own the deuce and the amount of time you took for it – we all know that’s what you’re doing. You’re not checking your messages or emails at 10:30 PM! If you’re just going in to pee – there is no way it takes that long. Am I wrong here? I may be crazy about a lot of things, but I’m not sure I’m off the mark on this one…