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How have I not had the shit kicked out of me yet?

/ www.immodiumabuser.com / 9 Comments

The fact that I can mosey along through life in my delusional bubble and still haven’t gotten and ass-woopin’ reaffirms my conviction that I’m either so funny and charming that it makes me irresistible or I’m so cheeseball crazy that people just assume most of what I’m saying is nonsense and ignore it…
Thoughts?

 

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As hard as it is to believe for anyone that knows me, I have never actually been in a fist fight in my life. Many, many, many, many times, I really should have had the stuffing knocked out of me, but by some grace of God – I have eluded the fisticuffs (although there have been a few scuffles). I never got to throw even one punch in any of them, but that’s not really the point I guess. Not even when I went up to that girl in The Dark Horse Tavern and told her that her face looked like diarrhea because I thought I was helping her out, not even a slap. Of course, I was drunk and slurring my speech when that happened, but she got my meaning and just as an FYI: if someone is trying to help you, I think you should at least hear them out! 

In Elementary School, I used to incite the…

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Like those four moptops said – Help, I need somebody

/ www.immodiumabuser.com / Leave a comment

Help on the toilet

No people, I ‘m not looking for bail money but yes I really do need help! I am undertaking a new project and need your suggestions to make it work. The full details are HERE but basically in order to beat out my mid-life crisis in a foot race, I am meeting the dreaded 4-0 head on!

In just under forty weeks, I’ll be forty years old and some say I have never looked hotter than I do right now. OK, no one actually says that besides me, but as I sit typing this I am sweating profusely over my keyboard – is this really a time to worry about semantics? I’m going to take on forty challenges of suggestions from you, my faithful brethren. It’s as if we were in a reverse cult and all of a sudden you told me to drink the Kool Aid or sniff the gas…

Who am I to argue with the Cube?

Who am I to argue with the Cube?

I need official, actual, specific, and more than most likely clinical, help from all of my Immodium Abusers. I am looking to you, my friends, my family, and my other random peeps that just like to laugh at me, for assistance. I’ve started compiling a preliminary list, but need more suggestions of things you’d like me to accomplish. Between now and the forty week mark, I will post about these challenges, big and small.

Here’s where you come in. Head over to 40donebefore40.com right now and leave suggestions for my 40 challenges. I’ll be updating the list and keeping you updated on my progress and of course posting about it.  This is going to be a Choose-your-own-Adventure with an Immodium twist! A Choose-Your-Own-Immodium-Adventure if you will!

choose your own adventure

This will in no way be replacing or taking over your beloved Immodiumabuser.com; this is just a side project in addition to combat the forces of aging – sort of like Oil of Olay on steroids.

THOUGHTS?

THOUGHTS?