CelebriTuedays: Jimmy McMillan – The Rent is Too Damn High guy is Super Fly!

They say don’t meet your idols because they’ll never live up to your expectations, but when I met Jimmy McMillan, I was floating just as Damn High as the Rent! Welcome to the CelebriTuesday Time Machine; buckle up because we’re travelling back in time five years to a much gentler time with a much fatter and much balder me…

 

rent is too damn high

 

If you don’t know who Jimmy McMillan is – stop right now and educate yourself about one of the founding fathers of New York City Politics! Forget about Hamilton and learn about something important! You can’t go wrong backing a candidate with a background featuring careers as a Karate Expert, R & B Artist, Stripper, Private Investigator, AND creator of The Rent Is Too Damn High Political Party! Get the facts – Jimmy got your backs!

 

 

jimmy kaate

Get the facts – Jimmy got your backs!

 

 

It was New York City – Election Night 2012: The world was a different place and politics were politics, but you didn’t actually feel dirty watching the politicians as you do nowadays. Of course, nothing mattered to me as much as the guest of honor at the election night party I’d be attending: none other than Jimmy McMillan! The Rent Was Too Damn High and he was out preaching about it! I was prepped and ready to meet the man, the myth, the legend!

 

 

JIMMY mcmillan

Taking No Shave November to a whole new Level!

 

 

I’d written about Jimmy before and was a fan, but I went with limited expectations as sometimes with these networking events, you don’t actually get to meet the person; who knew my humble dream was about to come true! I got to meet Jimmy and snap a few pictures with him and he was charismatic and funny, and a literal chick magnet as tons of hot young girls were just hanging all over him! He was crazy as all get out, and the longer I stayed and chatted, the more stories he told; I was captivated and hanging on every word. He was crazy and outrageous, and the stories were unbelievable, yet I couldn’t turn away from him or his handler (yes he had a handler, a man who during the day was a professional working for JP Morgan, but working for Jimmy is his “passion project” whatever the hell that means).

 

passion project

 

I told him that I’d written about him and that I was the Immodium Abuser. He asked what I’d written so I showed him – not remembering that in the very first paragraph I’d compared his goatee to two giant fuzzy white testicles resting on his chin and said he was wearing OJ Simpson gloves. Anyone else might have had the sense to stop reading, but when did sense ever stop me. Besides that, he thought it was hilarious. That’s when the true irony of the situation struck me like a lightning bolt: there I was explaining to a crazy person as if I were the sane one – that I call myself Immodium Abuser and write crazy stories and then I proceed to read him something I’d written about him and his nose hair. Basically he was watching the train wreck the same way I was: we each looked across and instantly saw another lunatic just like us realizing that crazy really does radiate towards crazy!

 

 

Jimmy asked me if I knew why he hadn’t been in the public eye so much lately and I told him that I just assumed it was because he lost the election, but he leaned in and said it was much more serious than that: he’d had major surgery to remove shrapnel in his stomach. “Oh my God” I said – “did you get shot?” “No” he told me “it’s from an old wound from the Vietnam War…They had to put magnets down my throat to get that shrapnel out. The magnets were tied to a string and they had to go in and out and remove them one by one that way. I was awake the whole time.” The handler kept nodding along and interjecting throughout the story adding “mmmhmmm – I was there – it was touch and go – mmmhmmm – we almost lost him – touch and go.”

 

touch and go

 

“What?” I asked “How was it touch and go? He just said he was awake the whole time? That’s not touch and go. Also, what kind of magnets were they using – they must have been really strong…and what kind of string were they tied to? Like kite string? Yarn? How did they get it down your throat? Who did this surgery – are you sure they were a doctor?” I had a million questions that I was shooting out rapid fire to try and clear it up and make heads or tails if what they were telling me, but the answers seemed even more incredible and crazy than the original story and the two of them kept laughing at me as if I was the crazy one there…Seriously though, what kind of string could they have used? I was just picturing him lying there while the doctor was using a kid’s toy like this:

 

fish magnets

 

We had a blast and laughed a lot but the night was coming to a close as Jimmy was telling me how he was getting a car sponsored with The Rent is Too Damn High logo wrapped around it and I was thinking I should get one with Imodium Abuser on it. Then I think that I actually might have offered to volunteer for the next campaign (which I would do in a heartbeat by the way) as we said our goodbyes…I was drunk and had a long train ride home ahead of me, but I knew deep in my soul this was a great night that I’d never forget. I thought he would be crazy and fun in person, but he was out in orbit and I loved every minute!

 

Rent-is-too-damn-high car

 

Although Jimmy McMillan isn’t running for Mayor again, he is running for City Council in New York City today, so what better time to revisit that night we met…Hopefully you voted today and remembered the reason for the voting season: The Rent is Too Damn High!!! I don’t get any special compensation if you buy these, but these dolls make a great Holiday gift for everyone on your list:

 

jimmy doll

 

LINK TO THE ABSOLUTE BEST JIMMY McMILLAN MUSIC VIDEO EVER!!!

Think you have bad luck? My brother got ran over TWICE by the same car!

 

 

unlucky meme

With St. Patrick’s Day last week, I was thinking about sharing some stories about my lucky shamrocks, but as I was writing, I couldn’t help but think of my brother. Forget about Luck of the Irish, if it weren’t for bad luck, my brother Joey wouldn’t have any at all. Here’s a perfect example to illustrate just how unlucky he is – picture it: Merit Gas Station: Long Island: September 2000.

die peacefully

My brother pulled into the gas station one man and left in tattered pieces. Nowadays, you can pay at the pump, but for anyone of the young’uns that might be reading this – back in 2000 it was down-right prehistoric: you won’t believe it, but we had to actually walk from your car to the attendant’s booth, prepay for your gas and then walk all the way back to your car to fill it up. Simple enough for most people, but not for my brother, not that day. Joey put the pump in the gas tank, headed over to prepay, paid for his gas, and headed back over to pump it. All normal and the same thing he had done hundreds and hundreds of times when – BOOM he’s suddenly a hood ornament!

 

hit with car

 

Out of nowhere, an old man rammed into Joey, knocking him to the ground, and proceeded to drive over him like he was gas station roadkill. Seriously, he was a Merritt Muskrat flattened like a pancake! Picture a possum on I95 wriggling under the front tires trying to break free before he’s crushed to bits – that was my brother there on the pavement. As he was screaming in agony and trying to figure out what the hell was going on, the old man realized that he hit something, stopped the car, and threw it in reverse. HE THREW THE EFFING CAR IN REVERSE AND THEN PROCEEDED TO HIT HIM AGAIN!  HE RAN HIM OVER TWICE! JOEY GOT HIT BY THE SAME CAR TWICE!!!

 

hold onto your teeth.jpg

 

My brother was in pain the first go around, but the shock of the car re-running him over set him over the edge. Screaming for help, the other customers could only watch in horror until that pimped out old Caddy finally came to a resting halt. One would think that people watching this unfold or the Police on the scene might rush over to my brother to assist and try and see if this real life crash test dummy was still alive, but they instead ran to the old man, who was clutching his chest. At this point he was outside the car on the ground next to Joey because after stopping the car, he got out, took one look at my brother, turned white as a ghost, shrugged his shoulders as if to say “Shit happens” and then his feet came out from underneath him and he hit the pavement.

grumpy old men.jpg

As the police and emergency personnel were tending to the old man, my brother was screaming “What the fuck? He ran me over twice and you’re helping him? Someone pump my gas or get my fucking money back from that attendant!” It fell on deaf ears though, as the police were trying to get the old man’s information. He directed them to his dashboard – he had flash cards with his name, address, and directions back to his house. Apparently, he had suffered a stroke almost four months to the day of the accident and wasn’t supposed to be driving. Of course, they felt the old man was in critical condition and immediately got him out of there in an ambulance and then asked my brother if he wanted an ambulance as well. Who stops to ask the person that got ran over twice if they’d like an ambulance? If ever there was a clear cut need for an ambulance, I’m pretty sure that was it.  

 

steamroller blues.jpg

 

It’s like every time he gets gas, that Elvis song “Steamroller Blues” plays in the background like his very own theme song: “I’m a steamroller baby, I’m ‘bout to roll all over you…” I’d like to say that my brother is now safely crossing on the green and not in between, but when we recently followed him to my sister’s house, he pulled over to get out and switch drivers right on the highway and his wife said “Why in the world would he get out of the car on a highway instead of pulling into a parking lot? Wasn’t getting run over twice enough?” Apparently, you can take the boy out of the gas station, but you can’t take the gas station out of the boy!

mr t jimmy.jpg

This has nothing to do with my brother or him getting hit by the car TWICE, but there’s always room for Jimmy McMillan!

 

Apparently, the first sense you lose once you get struck by a car is your sense of humor – and it’s still on the fritz because almost 17 years later, he still doesn’t think it’s funny. In hindsight, he really did get seriously hurt: he had his shoulder operated on, broke two toes and messed up his knee pretty bad. I only make light of this happening because it didn’t happen to me and it’s been years since it happened so it’s OK to laugh about it now. Granted we laughed back then too, but that’s not the point. We live and we learn and since then he looks both ways twice before crossing just in case…

 

unlucky.png

 

SPECIAL ELECTION DAY REPOST ABOUT THE REALLY IMPORTANT ISSUES FACING US!

No photo retouching at all – this is all Jimmy!!!

 

I am not just reposting this important message because there is an Election Day Party with Jimmy McMillan (The Rent is Too Damn High guy) tonight and I am not reposting it because I’m going to see him at that party tonight. I’m reposting this because he is informed, he has a clear vision, he is smart…Who am I kidding? I’m reposting this because he is freaking hysterical and if you don’t know who he is, go and look him up right now! Seriously, you’ll thank me later and your life will be a little brighter because Jimmy is in it.

 

 

No on really cares about the Republicans or the Democrats or the ecomomy or unemployment – all the other campaigns skipped right over the most imortant issue of all. Click HERE to see the really important topics that no one else has covered and see why Immodiumabuser.com is vehemently supporting Jimmy MacMillan in this and every election!  

 

https://immodiumabuser.com/2010/10/20/the-no-means-nose-hair-movement/

 

 

Tell my wife that I’ll pretend to be surprised, but I’d really like to see this under the tree this Christmas: My very own Jimmy McMillan action figure. Forget G.I. Joe, I want the real American hero action figure! (Click here and buy one for that someone special on your list this Holiday Season)

 

Forget G.I. Joe, I want the Real American hero Action Figure!