CelebriTuesdays: 1, 2, 3 – another Faith saw me!!! Faith Evans completed my Trifecta!!!


As most people do, I have an Ice Trifecta (Ice T, Ice Cube, & Vanilla Ice) and an all-important Faith Trifecta (Faith Evans, Faith Hill, & Faith Prince) of people that I’ve been dying to meet. I’ve been stuck in a holding pattern with both (having met two of the three in each bracket) and I never thought I’d complete my Faith Trifecta, but I finally did it: I met Faith Evans!!!  Two of the three Ice’s have been very cool, but all three Faith’s were so amazing and awesome that Mr. Ice better bring his A game when he meets me! Have a little faith, I’ll revisit the others later on…



I caught up with Faith Evans and she was seriously, so awesome! I was just walking by, minding my little own business like I do, when she walked up…Or, one might say I was stalking the building she was coming out of like a lunatic. The guy in front of me walked up and asked if he could snap a picture and she said of course. He was “of a certain age when technology probably isn’t his best friend” although I’m no techie either that should be throwing stones. Faith waited patiently posing with him, for what seemed like forever, as he fiddled with the camera telling her to say cheese repeatedly. Unbeknownst to him, while he was posing up a storm working on his big boy smile for her, he had his phone on video the whole time, and he kept pushing the red button to snap a picture while he was recording video not realizing he wasn’t taking a picture. He hit that button so many times, I’m not even sure he was recording either. I can only imagine what all of those one-second videos look like…


Faith Evans 4


Faith nicely tried to tell him twice that he was recording – not taking a picture. He either wasn’t listening because he was so caught up in the moment with her or he just didn’t get it, so by the third time, she took the camera out of his hand. She switched from video to photo and then looked at him and said “We’re gonna need to get someone else to take this, you can’t do it.” It was hysterical and priceless and we were all hysterical laughing. She handed off his camera so he was finally able to get a snap with her. Win, win for everyone. It was so awesome and she was just so funny; such a sweetie about it whereas any other number of celebs would never have been that patient with anyone.



She chatted and took a few pictures with me and I, of course, gave her an immodiumabuser business card which she thought was hysterical. She was like “your name isn’t on it, what’s your name?” so of course I filled her in and gave her all the deetz. She was spending her time taking an interest in me which was just so awesome. Who does that? She was cool and kind and just hung out there in the moment with us like a boss. It’s as if she could tell how much this tiny little moment of her time would mean to us and how huge is that? She was funny and in charge and had an awesome hat that I desperately wanted to try on because a bald man always looks better in a hat – any hat!



Seriously, I have met a lot of celebrities and not many have been as cool as that. Actually, I’ll go into it another time but of everyone I’ve met – the Faith’s have it. Ms. Evans could have just gotten in her car and walked by as I’m sure she had more interesting things to do than discover my Imodium Abusing secret


, but she was working the crowd and making people’s day left and right. Very cool!




Unlike CNN, I didn’t confuse Faith Evans with Faith Hill: I’ll just leave this awkward bit of ridiculousness right here. CNN tweeted that Faith Hill would be releasing an album of duets with The Notorious BIG 20 years after his murder and both ladies took the nonsense and turned it into something nonsensational!!!  So cool, although I think they need to seriously work a remix with both Faith’s & Biggie!


faith twet

Faith Evans reaction


faith hill tweet

Faith Hill reaction



faith tweet 2

This would be an awesome duet!





Faith Evans 1

Seriously, how cool would I look in this hat? Maybe a fedora is the next stop for me…



CelebriTuesdays with LEEANN RIMES 

” How do I, go through a night without you…” is something LeeAnn Rimes has been wracking her brain trying to figure out for almost twenty years, but rest assured folks: it’s gonna be a whole lot easier now that I was able to help check off a goal from her bucket list. She finally met me and it changed her life! Or she met me and probably didn’t even notice, but is that really the point?

Normally, I’m a well-mannered stalker and wait out on the street with the other filthy animals, but once I saw her, I don’t know what came over me.  I went right inside the building and right over.  Why I felt it was ok to step it up a notch and be that rude isn’t the question – I could see the furtive glanced she was sending through the windows and it would have been wrong of me to deny this from her for even one moment longer…

No, that bald guy checking out her ass in the picture above is not me – but dat ass though! 

OK, back to reality – she was nice and really cool to stop and take a picture with me and actually has really soft shoulders (I bet she moisturizers). It took every fiber of my being not to shout out “how do I…” – which if you know me is difficult because I have very little impulse control; sort of like a kid with Tourette’s! At that moment, if you had listened closely, you could hear the imaginary orchestra in my twisted little mind cueing up the intro, just begging me to serenade her…

I helped fill make a life-long dream come true for LeeAnn Rimes – what did you do this week? 

The Perks of being Regular

its great to be regular


No, this post isn’t about pooping! Come on people, not every post is about that – give me some credit will you! I’m the number one Immodium Abuser, but it seems like you’re the one focusing on Number Two. When I say being regular, I mean keeping the same routine and eating the same things…


OCD and you know it


As my wife can surely attest, my OCD has been known to get in the way every so often, but also it has helped in a few ways. For instance, when I find something that I’m able to eat, I stick to it like glue and don’t veer off path. I will eat the same thing day after day; you know I’m all for a good routine.

ocd might die


Saying that I’m a picky eater is kind of an understatement; I’m a downright pain in the ass. I have accepted it a long time ago and can admit it. I’m not being dramatic either – I’m annoyingly ridiculous when it comes to food. I don’t eat anything sweet, sour, spicy, ethnic, fried, battered, flavorful, tangy, zesty, poached, powdered, etc. Basically if the menu has an adjective when describing the entree – I know it’s not for me. The blander the better and I mean Senior citizen, nursing home food kind of bland.


white rice


My absolute favorite meal is white rice! Seriously – not ice cream, not pizza – white rice is my jam! Besides the fact that it’s binding (which is a gift in itself) it’s easy-to-make and it’s filling. I don’t mean that I like rice and people think “why don’t you just eat brown rice because it’s more nutritious” or wild rice because it has more flavor. No way! Plain white rice is better and I’ll tell you why: If you’re eating a bowl of white rice and you happen to look down and see something black you know immediately that it isn’t rice and you stop eating. If you’re eating brown rice or wild rice, you can’t tell if something crawled or fell into the bowl. It’s dark and crunchy but, was that a bug or a kernel of rice? If it’s white you know it’s safe to continue on. It may sound crazy, but you’ll thank me the next time you look down into your bowl and see a little black fleck trying to burrow through your warm scoop of rice…



It’s not so much that I have a food allergy as it’s a food avoidance because I’m terrified of the consequences. For me taking Imodium before I eat anything is the equivalent of having insurance on your car. You wouldn’t drive a car without insurance would you? Same principle and remember: no one likes the guy on the train that shits his pants in a suit no matter how funny he is! Remember Along Came Polly with the Ferret? That’d be me. If you haven’t seen that movie – go get it on ITunes right now!


done correctly


I’m a creature of habit, so if I can find a place that can put up with my pain in the ass ways – I’m loyal and don’t change. As in, I’ll seriously eat there every single day loyal. At work, my friend Beena turned me on to a Chinese restaurant that was really clean and had good food. I was suspicious of her because the last time I listened to her, we went to a Chinese restaurant where they had “traditional” seating and we ended up sitting on the floor like stray dogs and we were forced to take off our shoes.


sitting on the floor


I’m not sure what was scarier: the seating arrangements on the floor, the waitress slipping while trying to serve soup to the people sitting on said floor, or of Beena’s footwear of choice for the lunch: Khaki pants short enough to showcase her white tube socks with black Michael Jacksonish looking slip-on shoes…It was a brave fashion choice: not a good choice by any means, but a brave one nonetheless.


Beena's shoes.JPG


Leary of finding a piece of cat mixed in with my grilled chicken, I was afraid to try another place she recommended, but relented after I did a drive-by to check it out. It was busy, seemed really clean, had nice soap to wash my hands in the bathroom, and an A grade in the window! I went in expecting it to be bad, but low and behold, I was blown away. Beena and Imi know how I eat, so they ordered for me and all of a sudden, the clouds parted and the sun shone down one me: All at once I had found the Cheers to my Norm! It was like a dream as Joann the waitress put down my plate with a beautiful stack of white rice scooped and sculpted ever so gently next to a perky little stack of steamed vegetables lying alongside a gloriously plain pile of grilled chicken drier and blander than my last boss’ personality! It was perfection on a plate that I had been searching eons for. I’m not sure what type of feline special Imi and Beena were eating that day because I couldn’t concentrate on anything besides my lunch; I was captivated by that entrée. I had never been a big fan of Chinese food before, but I was converted that day!


Me and Joann


One bite and I was hooked; we started going there two and three times a week. I actually took a picture of that delicious meal so I could show it to the waitress the next time in case they couldn’t tell what I wanted, but in just a matter of days the legend was born: The Tony Special. When I walk in now, it’s like a scene out of Entourage and I’m Vincent Chase – no menu necessary!!! I sit down and they all know what I want. I literally never need a menu again because it was a given what I’ll be ordering. Do you have any idea how nice that is? It’s the closest I’ll ever get to being treated like a celebrity.


tony special.JPG

The Famous Tony Special!



Next time, forget the perks – we’ll explore the perils of being a regular…


food is undercooked