STRANGE AND DISGUSTING AS THIS MAY SOUND, I WAS REMINDED OF THIS INCIDENT AS I WAS MAKING ONE OF MY AUNT MARGIE’S FAVORITE DESSERTS: CHOCOLATE PUDDING IN AN OREO PIE CRUST. STRANGE HOW THE HUMAN MIND FUNCTIONS, HUH?

I ACTUALLY DID FEEL A LITTLE BAD FOR MY AUNT WHEN IT HAPPENED, AND IN TRUTH, I ACTUALLY BLAME MY SISTER FOR THAT WHOLE MESS (LITERALLY).  HER STOMACH ISSUES ARE AS WELL-KNOWN AS AL ROKER SHARTING AT THE WHITE HOUSE, SO SHE SHOULD HAVE INTERVENED WHEN SHE SAW WHAT WAS GOING DOWN. NO, I DON’T MEAN WHAT WAS GOING DOWN MY AUNT’S LEGS – THAT WOULD BE GROSS. ANYWAY, ENJOY READING AND LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT THE PUDDING RECIPE!

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It’s not something I’m extremely proud of, but I once made my 75 year old Aunt Margie shit her pants! Shortly after eating lunch, there was a rumble in the jungle going on in my stomach and like Madonna said – I needed to Express Myself. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one straddled with a quick-hitter after lunch, because while my sphincter was rocking, my Aunt Margie came A-knocking. She was at the bathroom door asking me if I was almost done and her voice was kind of shaky – but at 75 it was always shaky and she never came back so I didn’t give it a second thought. Big mistake on her part.  

She unfortunately found out that a senior citizen shitting her pants in the hallway and then trying to quietly change out of those soiled undies with the five other people in your small two…

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